Category Archives: Fundies

Saving the world from atheists, fags, and fossil fuels

Suleiman Sami Azar has single-handedly solved the global energy crisis. Now, if only he could get the world to listen to him.

It’s certainly not for lack of trying. Solomon, or Noblefuse as he likes to be known, has

It’s entirely possible that Sami’s model of lightening-powered Nuclear Fusion, using a Tesla coil and heavy water, is just the thing to cure the world of its dependence on fossil fuels (to be honest, it all goes way over my head).

Mr. Azar feels that people don’t listen to him because he is a “sandnigger” of Syrian origin. I strongly suspect, however, that part of the problem is that he sometimes struggles to express himself:

no wonder global economy dead and verge of global war against Iran Russia whatever for new bounty- OIL- assets as in times before- let us see if a 21st century any better than times past to uncover solution proposed FREELY by their brothers keeper- I don’t think so- I think global collapse is GOOD- divorce rates down now as they cant afford it-yet when times are good- so what even if we have children- now they mutter greed is no good- so on and so forth shall the cousin of the monkey creature known as man walk one step closer to being a child of god- surely – more pain and suffering comes first to balance mans behavior with atheism documented in 20th century- as always- everything meant to be- what goes around come around- always have- always will- WHY- we are an infinite entity bound in this body as we play the game of life- HOW long does it take for infinity to cultivate the monkey body- enquiring minds of the universe want to know;)

Suleiman also holds some rather unconventional views. He believes that he is a messenger of God, and has written to the Sanhedrin of Israel to let them know that he is the 13th Apostle, otherwise known as the Jewish Messiah (I’m not sure where he found that email address, considering that the Sanhedrin last made an official ruling in the year 358).

As the messiah, he proposes to classify homosexuals and atheists and “retarded people”, and has published a 372-page book with the concise and engaging title of Disgruntled homosexuals invent Atheism: If you are a heterosexual atheist You were brainwashed by the homosexuals as all humans are a simple gullible creature until Truth found.

In energycrisis13’s direct video message to President Obama, he presents quite a cogent explanation of his new technology (despite the fact that the last 1:45 of the video show a sparkly glass box). Unfortunately, the message is entirely undermined by  his latest video, Atheists nothing more than disgruntled homosexuals to attack church.

[potty mouth warning]

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David J. Stewart: Psychiatry is evil!

David J. Stewart’s website Jesus Is Saviour.com is a veritable Pandora’s jar of bedlamy. There’s enough material there for hundreds of visits, so we’ll just start today with the front page.

Not surprisingly, the page is rife with fundamentalist religious imprecations:

  • “Evilution” is a hoax from the devil
  • Satan in the Vatican, and the Pope is the Vicar of Hell.
  • Catholic priests are whoremongers.
  • All Bibles but the King James 1611 version are corrupt, heretical and demonic.
  • All religions are false.

Stewart doesn’t restrict himself to religious conspiracy theories, though. There’s  a little something for everyone:

  • Wake Up America! 9/11 was an inside job.
  • The USA is a police state that wants to steal your children.
  • The CIA = Cocaine Import Agency
  • Vaccinations are killing America’s children.
  • Nuclear disaster is imminent. Mankind is destined for total destruction.
  • The New World Order is here.
  • The One World Government controls the media, and wants to take away our rights and property.
  • Abortion is the American Holocaust.
  • Terry Schiavo was murdered.
  • Homosexuals target children.
  • Harry Potter is evil.
  • Feminism is evil.
  • Public schools are evil.
  • Music is evil.
  • Government is evil.
  • Beer (of course) is evil.

Buried in amongst the technicolour text and horrific photoshop images, is a most telling entreaty:

  • Say ‘NO’ to Psychiatry!

Penes at the airport!

William Tapley, the Third Eagle of the Apocalypse, sees penises. Penes. Phallic symbols.

Paintings are phallic. Penguins (or Auks, or something) are phallic. Signs are phallic. Statues are phallic. Horses rearing up are phallic. Horses’ manes and tales are phallic. Horses’ penes are phallic. The Denver Airport on a snowy day is phallic. The Denver Airport is just really, really phallic.

Now, not to put too much thought into this, but I am a little confused. Listen carefully at around 3:10.

Many pagan religions worship the phallus because it’s a symbol of life. But we know there is a more powerful symbol which negates the phallic symbol, and that is the cross.

Huh. So the Christian cross negates life (and penises). That’s not really what I remember from Sunday School.

Boycott Bill Murray for a Better America

I was all ready to write a witty, ironic post on Stephenson Billings, and his Christwire article railing against actor Bill Murray. According to Stephenson, Bill Murray is a threat to the very future of America:

Bill Murray is a fatal disease and the sad news we bring you today is that your children have been infected.

There is no denying that this grotesque and dangerous creature can be described as nothing less than one of the four horsemen of America’s impending Apocalypse.

And then I got thinking. This guy writes really well. The piece lacks the subtle hallmarks of insanity that make craziness so entertaining. Witness these selections:

When you see this man on screen, his eyes wander all over you like a caged New York City rat. They seek out your curves and muscles with eerie desire. Those are not the eyes of someone you can trust. His mischievous grin suggests rape and sex and wanting to violate any thing he comes into contact with in the dead of night….

Instead, we have boozy Bill Murray on our screens, luring young teens to jump in to his musty van of laziness.

We do not need perverts like Bill Murray lusting after our beautiful children with a reckless almost urgent need to tear them from innocence so he can insanely explore his lost, burning childhood on their soft bodies on old couches in dirty apartments in the ghettos of America.

Oh yes, it’s insane. But look at those lovely similes and metaphors, that gorgeous imagery. And where are the exclamation marks? Where is the narcissism? Where is the personal fear of persecution? Where is the author’s deity-granted mission to singularly save the world?

So, I did a little digging into Stephenson Billings. It seems Mr. Billings is a “credentialed” Christian Investigative Journalist, who is also a “Special Leader of Christian Camping Trips for Hearty Teens!” Hmmm. OK. But also:

Mr. Billings also enjoys being … a Motivational Children’s Party Entertainer (working in the Auguste method) in his hometown in Tennessee. His hobbies include antique soda bottle collecting and the piano.

According to wikipedia, an Auguste clown is a clever anarchist, a joker who goes in for exaggerated foolishness. In internet terms, a poe. And it seems I’m not the only one with suspicions. Comedy Central declared Billings as a hoaxster, and the Murray article as the piece that reveals Christwire as a satire site:

In this high speed world the line between news and not-news gets fuzzy real fast, and we were hoaxed by a satirical Christian website that looked like a real Christian website (yes, Virginia, they do exist).

Not everyone is quite so sure, however. Billings is an active poster on the Confessionwire, boards (a site affiliated with Christwire), where other posters consistently challenge his credentials, and accuse him of being a pedophile. Stephenson even goes to the trouble to post comments on a variety of forums, including this New York Times article. That’s one dedicated satirist.

So, what do you think, dear readers? Is Billings certifiable, or brilliant? Is Christwire serious, or satire? If Billings is a full-time poe, and Christwire is satire, then who pays the bills?

I’ll leave Stephenson with the final word:

“In the struggle against evil in the world, there is no shame in losing only in fighting without all your guts.” –Stephenson Billings

Third Eagle of the Apocalypse

When William Tapley retired in 2001, he was startled to discover that he is actually the Third Eagle of the Apocalypse. God told him that he has a special gift to understand the end times prophesies of the Bible, and his mission is to warn mankind about the second woe, World War 3.

What better means to spread the word, than through song videos on YouTube?

“IT’S PROPHESIED” (End Times Anthem): When Babylon the Whore gets fried!